Friday, September 16, 2016

The Prisoner of C. Diff

When I was a young boy and schools still taught Classical Literature, I would sometimes confuse The Prisoner of Zenda, The Count of Monte Crisco and The Man in the Iron Mask. This was because they all involved the unrighteous imprisonment of somebody to keep them out of the way of some nefarious plot. These prisoners all disappeared and no one knew where they went.

This is how I felt and I feared I'd never be seen again.

Where we left off in my last post was in a car heading toward the Wilmington Hospital because I was having trouble getting on my feet. We managed to park not far from the emergency entrance and I had brought along my wife's walker from when she had her knee replaced. We went into the building, my wife doing just fine, but me hobbling along like the old man I seemed to have come. We signed in.

You always wait and wait and wait in emergency rooms, so we took seats and did just that, waited. But I quickly felt I had to go to the bathroom.

From here things get rather gross.

I go up and set off for the men's room. It seemed pretty urged to do so, except I couldn't find the men's room. I saw the ladies' room, but they had hid the meds'  and I wandered about like a zombie trying to find. Unrealized by me, I was leaving a slimy train behind like a snail.

I finally found he mens' room and when I sat I saw the stuff running down my legs and some on the floor. It also came gushing out of me like Niagara Falls.

I came out and Lois hustles me over to the side. There was a guy with a mop and bucket, not looking happy, cleaning up the waiting room. There was a young girl going in with her mother and suddenly she looked down and said, "What did I step it?"

This was terribly humiliation.

My wife went back to the check in desk and they said they would be right out for. A few minutes later they did, plopping me in a wheelchair and rolling me into the back where the emergency services were going on and in to a small examination room. People came in and asked questions. Somebody took off my clothes and stuffed them in a paper bag. I don't know what happened to them. I think they took them somewhere dan burned them. At least, they disappeared.  They slapped a less than modest hospital gown on me and said they were going to admit me upstairs. Lois took my wallet and phone and stuff and she left and I was at their mercy. They Lifted me on to a gurney and took me off, down the halls, up the elevator, more halls into a hospital room. There they lifted me again and left me in a bed.

I became the Prisoner of C. Diff and things only got worse.

1 comment:

  1. Lar,
    You definitely do not lead a dull life. Pooping in the Emergency Room I would say qualifies for the beginning of a good storyline. Miss Hurlock would be proud of you. Thus us stuff you just can't make up.